ONE REASON WHY BULLDOG IS THE ULTIMATE DOG. EVER.

*pat pat pat*

I'm smitten with THIS!

and...

wait for it....

Here's his handsome front profile la,

 *cuteness overload*

This is too much I tell you!!!

Source: desiretoinspire.net 

VOID

What a week!

I've moved out from the bf place. Packed all my clothes and vanity stuffs, excluding the much-needed but heavy magazines, and hauled 'em all the way back to my own small but 'practical' room.
*Sharp inhale* Nah, wasn't because of fights but he's starting this Mee Kolo business so will be away almost all night, chauffeured-no more. I  need to start bus/taxi/train hopping again.

Speaking of transportation and living like a nomad, a thought struck me while I was answering the call of nature.
It's the most private and stress free time for me to think. No distraction. So don't judge.
It occurs to me that I've been spending a big chunk of my time wanting to please and be near to my partner. Meaning, I'll jump to any opportunity to live and be near to the ones i love...at the moment. And ignore put on hold my own good self need to save money in order to progress.
And when I say progress, it means, getting my own driving license! Yes, please slap me. Hard.
Instead I'll happy hop on to a taxi because even though the bf house is sooooo bloody far from my office, sanggup saja! Asalkan I can see his face after each grueling work hours are done.
So when things go wrong, I'm back at square one. Alone.

I've realized that as much as my partner loves me, nothing beats myself.
I NEED to love myself more.
Because at the end of the day, if shit decides to land on your/my head, nobody will be there to wipe it off.
You/I need to deal with it.

So bf, just in case, if you stumbled upon this blog, please understand.
It's not that I don't want to be close to you but the dreaded-but-much-needed wake up call came to me last year (2010)
The fight, the lies, fears and the tears shook me hard.
I saw just how easily a guy who professed his undying devotion to you can turn it around with a click of a reason.
You played your selfish card by having it your way behind my back.
Now I'm claiming mine.


Yes, by now readers (if I have any), you should know that I'm on the verge of letting go of this current relationship.
It's broken.
I've drained my energy to fix it.
It's hanging by threads, waiting for one of us to snip it off.



By whom, I just don't care.

Breaking the Silence

Now, this more like a secret re-phasing of the old blog and the second attempt on tumblr.
A secret as its easier to pour out and be completely honest on a somewhat anonymous platform rather than one that's known and scrutinized by friends, family...and perhaps employers.

So much so that it became a chore to come up with happy, interesting posts to occupy and satisfy.

I'm generally a moody person.
Happiness doesn't come knocking that very often.
When sarcasm, letdowns and complications came about, suppressing them are one tough business.
 Lets just say camouflaging has become too tiresome that I rather be quiet than scratch the  fragile connections that we labeled as friendships or relationships.

Don't get me wrong!
I value all of them. Each and every one.

I'm just built such a way.
Sanity is important, no?



So here's to the naked truth from a narcissist.

Till then!